Post by Lady Whimsy on Sept 2, 2009 23:10:33 GMT -5
I'm going to say right off the bat - not sure I understand the ears. Especially since there ARE elves in Kalidore, I am not sure I understand the necessity for a human character to have such an un-human trait? It seems a little out-of-place for me. *shurgs*
And no, don't get me started on half-elves, lol
Once you've had a chance to work more on her personality, I'll comment further
Post by Lady Whimsy on Sept 13, 2009 10:42:11 GMT -5
Sorry about the delay, here we go!
Over all, good start, though I feel this character could use a bit of fleshing out. There are good character points, but sometimes they feel like just that - only in point-form. I don't feel like we've learned much about the real Bella, and some of the points are a little confusing and contradictory. It could be something that becomes more solidified as you play her, but definately worth a bit of relfection, at any rate
@ Perseonality. These points are a little bit jumbled, and sometimes confusing, and could do with some fleshing out. My jist of reading it is that Bella is brat, one of those people who takes things out on other people to compensate for her own insecurities. And this is a perfectly good personality! You could certainly expand on this, explain how this affects her in her day-to-day and in her interactions with other people in general, how this makes her feel on the inside and her own thoughts about the world. I want to hear about how she acts and re-acts
Also, the horse bit should go under skills, hehe
@ Backstory - decent enough information here, but what we're missing is the impact the events had on Bella. I don't feel we learn anything about the inner workings of the character. There are actions and re-actions mentioned, but on the surface, they don't nessesarily follow through logically without knowing what's going on with Bella inside.
"but when the man went to sell off her father's horse, she attacked him verbally. Her stepfather backed down and never said anything of it again. Bella changed a bit, dying her hair and becoming a quieter person" It sounds like something really big happened to her character, but we're not given any indication as to what, and are left a little confused. Why did she become quieter here, especailly after she learns she could bully back her stepfather to get her own way? That sounds rather impowering. And dying your hair bright blue doesn't sound very "quiet" to me either, lol.
Lastly, I do want to make a note on this - "Bella hopes to one day get away from her stepfather and the fighting, but she doesn't know when that might be." Remember, Kalidore is NOT an escape from a character's worldly problems - no Unicorn would let thier companion do that, rather, they encourage and help them to face thier problems full on. That's a unicorn's way